I just read a news article where a Louisiana justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple out of concern for any children they might have. As a woman of color who is mildly repulsed by sticky-handed toddlers, I find this strange on a couple of counts.

Firstly, I’m surprised that someone would want to rise to the stature of justice of the peace considering he can easily eek out an existence selling Jesus-motif chainsaw carvings.

And secondly, bi-racial kids are probably less likely to show Deliverance-esque tendencies because the dominant (and survival-based) characteristics from diverse parents are likely to shine through.

I think the real issue here is that multi-racial couples choose impractical yuppie vehicles. Everyone knows that if you filled a silver Prius’ gas tank with a quart of Uncle Jessie’s moonshine, a car like that simply wouldn’t have the power to jump the bridge out of Hazard County. The Duke brothers simply can’t afford to be fishing all those beige kids outta them waters.