I recently gave a speech at my oldest friend Jason’s wedding. I was the only one who roasted him, the only one who wasn’t drop dead gorgeous, and one of the only women in the room. I was really honored to be a part of it.

Apart from the fact that it looked like I was photobombing a GQ cover shoot, it wasn’t that different than other weddings. But in 2002 Jason was worried he wouldn’t find love, have kids or grow old with someone. And as I stood there watching my friend breakdown in the kitchen I couldn’t believe that a single, generous, Antonio Sabato Jr. look-a-like with a steady job would ever doubt his ability to find happiness. A year later Anthony Porcini and Tom Graff were the first gay couple married in the Province of BC. By 2005 same-sex marriage was legal nationwide.

CATHY & JEANNE
Yesterday my friend Cathy Brooks had my old boss Jeanne Rizzo on her podcast show. It didn’t surprise me that these two knew each other. They’re both highly intelligent, witty and alphafemales in a boardroom — and unfortunately neither of them can get married in the State of California. Jeanne and partner Pali were the first couple denied marriage at SF City Hall during the Supreme Courts cease order in 2004 and they’re also part of a heartwrenching film entitled, Pursuit of Equality.

It kills me that in San Francisco, in arguably the gayest city in the entire universe, many of the people I love and respect can’t get married. I’m beginning to understand why Jason was so worried all those years ago. It’s not about doubting yourself or your ability to find someone, it’s about doubting society’s ability to humanize you. God that’s bleak. But if a guy with as much broadcast time as Bill O’Reilly can equate same-sex marriage to marrying a duck we’re dealing with something pretty bleak.

WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
People often argue that marriage is just a piece of paper and that commonlaw couples receive the same benefits. But if marriage means so little, then why work so hard to deny it? And if it means so much to certain religions, well that’s actually irrelevant. The First Amendment prohibits the state’s establishment or preference of one religion over another. Isn’t part of the reason why America exists because a bunch of Europeans wanted to forget King Charles, the religiously charged English Civil War and the Wellington Declaration?

It’s fucked up that gay marriage is even considered an “issue”. If two people with the same parts want to live under the same roof, get joint bank accounts, carpool to work, eat food from the same crockpot, forget their anniversary, get food poisoned on vacation in Mexico, get old and read the paper together —it shouldn’t be anyone’s business but their own. We’re supposed to be equal under the law. Period.